Supporting your pregnant partner

If you're the partner of a pregnant woman, the closer the two of you are the more you'll be able to share the experience of pregnancy and birth.

In the early weeks (up to around 14 weeks of pregnancy) pregnant women can feel very tired and sick. Certain smells and tastes might make your partner feel nauseous, and she might only want to sleep. She might be irritable about things that seem minor to you. After this, many pregnant women find that much of their energy returns and she may not want to be given special treatment any more.

Towards the end of pregnancy (around 27-40 weeks) the baby can feel very heavy. The tiredness and irritability of the early weeks often returns and your partner may start to feel frightened about the birth. If she's on maternity leave from work, she might feel lonely without the company of her colleagues.

If your partner is anxious, encourage her to talk about it. Many women are more used to listening than being listened to, so it may take a while before she opens up. Be patient. If you can learn to support each other now, your relationship will be stronger when the baby arrives.

Practical support

Now is the time to start sharing the housework, if you don't already do so. There are two areas where you can be helpful:

• cooking – in the early months the smell of cooking may put her off and if you cook she's more likely to eat what she needs
• carrying heavy shopping – carrying can put a lot of strain on her back, so do the shopping yourself or together

Let your partner know that she's not alone. The basic health advice is just as important for you as it is for her:

• eating well is much easier if you're doing it together – start picking up healthy food habits you'll want to pass on to your child
• cigarette smoke is dangerous for babies, so if you're a smoker, get advice on how to stop smoking – if you continue to smoke, don't smoke near your partner, don't offer her cigarettes, and don't leave your cigarettes lying around
• go with your partner to the doctor if she's worried, or be sure to talk it through when she gets home
• be there if she has a pregnancy ultrasound scan and see your baby on the screen – if she needs to have extra tests, your support is especially important

When your partner is offered blood tests in early pregnancy, you may be asked to have blood tests as well. This is to check whether your baby is at risk of having an inherited or genetic condition, such as sickle cell anemia, thalassemia or cystic fibrosis. You'll also be asked about your family history and origin, because certain inherited conditions are more common depending on family history.

Most people stay with their partner during labour, but it's important that you're both happy about this. Find out what happens in labour and what's involved in being her birth partner. If you prefer not to be present, talk to your partner and listen to how she feels. You may be able to think of a friend or relative who could accompany her instead.

Talk about what you both expect in labour and talk about the birth plan. Fill it in together so that you know what she wants and how you can help her achieve it. Support her if she changes her mind during labour. Be flexible – the health of your partner and the baby is the most important thing, so birth plans sometimes have to change.